Whale Watching!

So since we have been in Japan we have mainly just been trying to learn our way around.  We have managed to do a little sight seeing in the process and we definitely hope to do more here very soon now that the weather has warmed up and the sun is shining.  One adventure we tackled was whale watching.  My husband actually stayed home with our youngest because she was not old enough to go.  So that  meant me and the older 2.  We woke up way before our usual time in order to catch the boat but it was well worth it.  I knew my son would love it and I figured my daughter would at least enjoy it a little if nothing else.  We had a great time and saw plenty of whales.  These were humpback whales.  I have seen Orcas off the coast of Washington state when we were stationed there and that was pretty cool too!  Anyway, we ended our outing with a trip to the ER though which was kind of a bummer but all is well.  My son actually tripped while trying to walk on the boat (it was extremely rocky) as we were heading back to shore and busted his head open on a pair of binoculars.  He was such a trooper about it all and I am so proud of him for being so strong and such a big boy.  I, on the other hand was a mess inside even though I appearred calm, cool, and collected on the outside!  It took everything I had at moments to keep the tears back.  Enjoy the video clip of some of our adventure! 

The Newbies

As much as I love meeting new people and consider myself a social person, I am struggling right now big time.  With this move to Japan came a lot of new experiences and changes that I am somewhat familiar with and others I am not.  I am used to meeting new people but normally when I am introduced to these new people I already have someone there I know.  This time around I am meeting a ton of new people but I don't know anyone!  I am making a point to talk to several of the other women and moms who wait at the bus stop with the children, I go to the park and talk to woman there, and I am always looking for new opportunities to present themselves where I could possibly meet new friends.  Not having much luck in that department right now.  I also want my children to meet friends and have playmates that they enjoy spending time with.  This is our first time living on base and we are surrounded by families, you wouldn't think this would be hard.  However, most of these kids are older and do not want to play with my children who they look at and call babies.  There is one little boy in the neighborhood who will knock on our door and ask if my kids can come play during the day, he is a year older than my oldest, but when we see him at the park he tells my son he doesn't want to play with him and he isn't his friend.  It absolutely breaks my heart to see the hurt in my son's face when he hears this.  He comes to me and tells me no body likes him and he is sad.  I just want to cry for him.  My son is the sweetest, most thoughtful, funny, outgoing little boy.  I hate it when other kids are so mean to him. 

I just miss my nearest and dearest friends back in the states.  I miss being able to just pick up the phone and talk to them.  I don't always have that luxury here since we are 15 hours ahead and our nights and days don't match up.  I miss the comfort that comes from the warmth of a good friends's home with out the worries of how your appearance is for the day.  I miss the last minute lunch dates and my kids loving their play time at the park with their friends.  Don't get me wrong, I have truly enjoyed being here and there is still so much to do and see and I am so grateful we were given this opportunity, but to be honest, I hate being the newbie!  It downright sucks! 

Family Time!!

We are finally in New York relaxing with family!  It is so nice to have this down time with each other.  After the crazy that followed Thanksgiving with the movers and packing, I am not taking this time for granted.  The hubs and I even got to have a date night at Toy R Us! HAHA My in-laws kept the kids for us to we could go to dinner and do some Christmas shopping.  We went to The Melting Pot and then to do our shopping.  It was fun!  Next week starts the arrival of the rest of the family and then of course Christmas.  We are celebrating both my daughter's birthdays as well.  I am beginning to worry a tad about all of the gifts under the tree.  How are we going to get all of this stuff to Japan with us?!!  I guess we will just need to mail them all to our new address there in Japan and they will be there waiting on us when we get there.  Lots of changes taking place and so much up in the air.  SO many unknowns right now.  Makes me a little nervous seeing how I am such a planner and like to be organized.  I am starting to embrace this new sense of adventure though.  I know I will not regret stepping out of my comfort zone and taking advantage of this opportunity for our family.  I truly cannot wait to tell of our experiences!  I know they will be wonderful!  But right now I am enjoying all of this family time with nowhere to be and no commitments!!

Latest and greatest

So clearly I have been super busy and haven't really had the time to post!  I will have to load pictures and all of that jazz at a later date but for now I just wanted to let you know that I have not fallen off the face of the planet.  The hubs made it home and we are so thrilled to be back together as a family.  I knew once he got home that we would be running around crazy trying to get ready for our move to Japan.  I was not wrong in my assumption.  I have been going through things, organizing, making list, separating and doing inventory of everything in our home.  We also had Thanksgiving in there for which we drove a 21 hour drive to spend it with family.  It wound up taking us 2 1/2 days to get home.  The movers were at our house the day after we got home to pack up our house.  We are currnetly living in a hotel until our final packout on Friday.  Then we are either heading to Disney World for a few days or heading to NY.  Yesterday was not a fun day at all!  I woke up feeling like I had the flu and the movers were at the house all day long.  Thankfully I had a friend to pick the kids up from preschool and take them until they left.  Then the hubs comes home from work and is having trouble breathing and has abdominal pain.  He ended up in the emergncy room trying to figure out what was going on.  He left 6 hours later with no anwers.  Mean while I am stuck in the hotel room with 3 little ones who are full of endless energy and still feeling like complete crap.  I really hope the rest of this journey goes a little more smoothly.  If nothing else, I would really prefer no more sickness so we can function to full capacity.  So as of today, our household goods are on their way to Japan, we are living in a hotel room, and we still have one more packout to go before we leave town for good.  I will post as much as I can throughout this whole process.  There will be a point where I have no internet or phone or any connection to family until we get situated once in Japan but hopefully that will be short lived.  There you have it ladies and gentlemen, the latest and greatest in our lives!

Sleepiness!

I did something today that I don't do as often as I should!  I actually took a nap while the kids were napping!  To say that I have been sleep deprived here lately is a severe understatement.  I just do not sleep well while the hubs is gone.  So 2 am tends to be my bedtime these days.  After getting up with my son multiple times in the night most nights from his anxiety issues he is having, 7 am comes extremely early for this mommy!  I am dragging for most of the day.  Not to mention how grumpy I have been.  My patience level has bottomed out and I have to make some changes.  This no sleep business is wearing on me and it is really showing in my appearance as well.  So today I took a nap.  And it felt soooo good!  We have an extremely busy time ahead of us as we are very quickly approaching our departure date for Japan and I know I will need every ounce of energy I can muster to make it through the chaos.  Still no news on the hubs return but we have been told that our orders to Japan still stand.  So the next plan of action is to do my best to get more sleep  and gain more patience!  If not, it's going to be a long, hard, bumpy road for all of us 

Guilty!!

Today is one of those days where I feel that I am not good enough to be my children's mommy!  The mommy guilt has set in hard.  I guess I have just reached a point in this deployment where I am so beyond tired of always being the bad guy when it comes to discipline, I'm tired of going to bed alone every night, I'm tired of keeping a clean house by myself, tired of being "on" 24/7, and as heartless as this may make me sound, I am tired of always putting on a happy face with my kids everytime they have an emotional breakdown missing daddy!  I am just TIRED!!  I miss "daddy" too!  I want him home so that our family can return to the way it should be.  With most deployments you have an end in sight, a date of return to help you cope and look forward to.  Well that is not the case this time around, we have no end in sight as of current and no date to help push us through.  That makes it even harder.  I mark days off the calendar every night but it just seems so pointless.  What exactly am I counting down to?  I don't know!  Our lives are literally up in the air at this point.  Yes, we are scheduled to move to Japan but even that is questionable right now.  I can handle a few things in my life being up in the air but to have your entire life up in the air is an entirely different thing!  I am wearing thin and it is showing with each passing day in how I handle my children and their behavior.  It isn't fair to them, they deserve the best and right now I am failing them miserably!  I am feeling guilty and beating myself up about it.  This deployment has officially brought out the ugly in me and I hate it!!  I am over it!  And yes I am throwing my own tantrum of sorts right now but I am entitled to it every once in a while.  This mommy needs a break like something fierce!  Ok rant over, now time to go put on my running shoes and blow off some steam! Whew!

Missing my Tobie!

As we prepare for our move to Japan there are numerous checklists being followed.  We have had to get medical clearance, dental clearance, passports for all of us, and all the procedures taken care of for our dog Tobie, to be quarantined so he can get clearance too.  We have worried about how our puppy will handle this whole process since he isn't really a puppy, he's 12 years old!  He has been poked, prodded and microchipped but that was the easy part.  He has to be placed in a crate for the flight to Japan obviously but here's the kicker: once he is placed in that crate in NY he will not be taken out until 28 hours later once we land in Japan!  That means no food or water other than what we initially place in there and no going to the bathroom unless it is in the crate.  This breaks my heart!  He was my baby before we had babies, he was mine before he was "ours".  And the last thing I want to put him through is the torture of being squeezed into a tiny crate and forced to stay there for 28 hours.  He is old and has hip issues and this trip is not going to be easy for his old bones!!

So I was talking to my mom about my concerns and she threw out the idea of her and my dad taking him for us while we are in Japan for 3 years.  My first reaction was to absolutely say yes and take her up on this offer but upon further pondering it made me really sad.  This solves the problem of the crate issue but I hate to pawn him off on someone else and expect them to take care of him the way we do.  Not to mention how much we would miss him and how much the kiddos adore him and him, them!  He is so much a member of our family that I can't even imagine our lives without him. 

After much discussion with my husband we decided that we need to put our selfish needs aside and do what is best for Tobie.  And what's best for him is to leave him with my parents who will love him and care for him just as we do.  Because not only does he have to make it there, he has to make it back to the states 3 years later and 3 years older, putting him at 15 if he makes it that long.

That was the reasoning behind our last road trip.  To take Tobie to my parents- sigh!  This made me so sad!  I cried in the car on the way there every time I let myself think about the fact that he wouldn't be returning with us.  I even forgot to bring his bed and his food bowls because my mind wasn't thinking about him not coming back when we left.  When we did leave to come home and had to say our goodbyes, it was heartbreaking.  My 2 oldest were crying and I was a hot mess, it was not pretty.  Now that I am home I catch myself calling him to come upstairs to bed and tears fill my eyes when I go to check if he has enough water.  I didn't realize how hard this would be until we had to do it.  I miss my puppy and my hubby didn't even get to tell him bye.  So marking that off the checklist was not an easy thing to do!