Upset

I have about a million things I want to blog about but right now I just need to get something off my chest.  I do not know what has happened to me.  I used to pride myself on having the patience of an angel.  Now I lose my patience at the drop of a hat.  I feel like I cannot control the frustration that builds in me and then all of a sudden I just snap.  I HATE this!  I have tears streaming down my face as I type this.  I don't know why I feel this way.  I don't know if it is pregnancy hormones, stress.  I don't know.  We have been through a lot these last few months.  Reuniting with my husband after a long 7 month deployment, packing up our house in preparation for our move, living out of suitcases for 2 1/2 months essentially homeless, making the long trip tp Japan, finding out we are expecting baby #4, emercing ourselves in a completely different culture and trying to get settled at our new home here in Okinawa.  I am pretty sure that list includes a lot of the top life stressors.  I just feel this pressure to always be strong for my family, to always stay calm, cool and collected.  I am never allowed to vent my stress or frustrations or at least I feel that way.  My children have been absolutely terrible behavior wise and sleeping wise since we landed here.  I am trying to be understanding that they are experiencing a lot of changes right now, their worlds as they have always known  them to be have been turned upside down.  But sometimes I just want them to freaking do what they are told period!  I rarely had this problem before this move and now they can't seem to listen or do anything I tell them to do the first time they are told.  Sleeping it beyond ridiculous!  All of my children have been amazing sleepers and have been since they were all 2 months old.  Since arriving here, they don't seem to know what sleep is.  They are refusing to nap which leads to extremely fussy and whiny children for the majority of the day.  I get to tired of hearing blood curdling screams from my middle one over the most minor things, my youngest has been have an awful go of teething since before we left the states and it continues even now.  My husband is extremely helpful in all areas of the house so I will not complain about him at all.  However, he has no idea what it means to be with our children 24/7 with no breaks, listening to the unending whining, crying, and the battling to get them to do anything.  He gets his sane hours from it all, he goes to work everyday from 7-5ish and then he gets to come home and be fun, super dad who is really quick to give them a treat without asking me how their day has gone and then he runs off to the gym for an hour or more every evening as well.  Where is my break from the insanity?!  And no, going to the grocery store with no kids doesn't count, that is something that has to be done. 

Anyway, I just don't want my lack of patience and emotions right now to affect my relationship with my children!  I love them more than anything in this world!  I just feel like I am the worst mommy ever and I can't seem to fix it.  This all came about with this last deployment and it seems I can't run away from it.  Kind of a sucky post but I had to get these feelings out somewhere.  I promise more appealing post coming very soon.  I just need to get myself together right now.

Family Time!!

We are finally in New York relaxing with family!  It is so nice to have this down time with each other.  After the crazy that followed Thanksgiving with the movers and packing, I am not taking this time for granted.  The hubs and I even got to have a date night at Toy R Us! HAHA My in-laws kept the kids for us to we could go to dinner and do some Christmas shopping.  We went to The Melting Pot and then to do our shopping.  It was fun!  Next week starts the arrival of the rest of the family and then of course Christmas.  We are celebrating both my daughter's birthdays as well.  I am beginning to worry a tad about all of the gifts under the tree.  How are we going to get all of this stuff to Japan with us?!!  I guess we will just need to mail them all to our new address there in Japan and they will be there waiting on us when we get there.  Lots of changes taking place and so much up in the air.  SO many unknowns right now.  Makes me a little nervous seeing how I am such a planner and like to be organized.  I am starting to embrace this new sense of adventure though.  I know I will not regret stepping out of my comfort zone and taking advantage of this opportunity for our family.  I truly cannot wait to tell of our experiences!  I know they will be wonderful!  But right now I am enjoying all of this family time with nowhere to be and no commitments!!

Veterans Day

Just taking a moment to thank ALL of our Veterans!  The sacrifices they make/made are priceless and are truly a selfless act.  The freedoms we enjoy in the USA absolutely do not come free.  They sometimes come at the ultimate price.  I am so incredibly thankful they are willing to put themselves out there for my family and I.  For that I thank you from the bottom of my heart!  A special thank you to my favorite veteran, my hubby!  We are so lucky to call you our husband, father, and protector!!  You are my ultimate hero!!  I love you babe!

Happy Birthday!!

        Happy Birthday to my big man "ROO"!!!



He had such a great day too!  This little guy has forever changed my life!  He is such an amazing person and has the biggest heart of any kid I know!  He makes me laugh, he melts my heart, and he keeps me humble.  I couldn't ask for anything more!  I love you buddy!  You make my world go round!

Memories

This morning I cracked open a jar of my Granny's homemade pickles that my cousin made.  I have had this jar of pickles sitting on my counter since May and have been holding onto them, not wanting to open them just yet.  You see my Granny past away 10 years ago, I miss her so much!  There is always something that reminds me of her and warms my heart.  So my cousin used my Granny's canning recipe for her pickles and brought them to our family reunion for everyone to enjoy.  I was lucky enough to walk away with my one lone jar.  I knew once I opened them that I would have to eat them within a fair amount of time or else they would go bad.  Eating them was not the problem, it was the problem of once they were gone!  With the very first bite of one, I was instantly flooded with memories of my sister, cousin and I standing over my Granny's pickling crock and sneaking pickles before they were ready!  We LOVED them!  She would always catch us and shoo us away with her dish towel.  I was taken back to that moment including the smells, sounds, and laughter as I bit into that delicious pickle.  Granny's pickles were always a side dish with almost every meal during the summer, along with home grown tomatoes.  She was a fantastic cook and all of her meals were made from scratch and with the most love in the world.  What I would do now for one of Granny's home cooked, made from scratch meals!!  Something I will never get to enjoy again.  So I am cherishing this little jar of amazing pickles.  Every. Last. One!

Changes

I like to think that I am one that embraces change.  I suppose I usually handle changes farely well.  Afterall that is how life works, it constantly changes and nothing ever stays the same.  I like that we move and change where we call "home" quite regularly.  I like watching my children grow and change with the seasons. And I like to change my furniture arrangements in my house much to my husband's disliking!

 But there are some changes I don't handle well or like at all.  Some of which are family traditions and dynamics.  Both of which are currently taking place within my family now.  There are family traditions that have literally happened every single year since I was born and even before.  Many of them still take place and have become such huge events over the years.  Others though, have started to lose their luster and are being either removed or changed.

 As the family grows and new members are added I suppose the dynamics of the family shift and ultimately affect the timely traditions we have had.  For example, we have always had Christmas and Thanksgiving celebrations at my grandmother's house.  Everyone knows their role and what they are contributing.  This is all I have ever known Christmas to be.  However, just recently, my grandmother annouced that she was "tired" and was ready to pass the wand off to someone else to hold these rather large get togethers at their house.  She also just got remarried after my grandfather passed away.  It has been 6 years since he passed so it isn't like she remarried quickly or anything of the sort.  She is still relatively young and I won't deny her what makes her happy.  It is just that when my grandfather passed that is when things began to change.  He was sort of like the glue that held the family together and kept us strong.  Now that he is gone, the dynamics are shifting.

So many of the traditions that we have revolved around him or remind her of him so she now wants to do away with them or change them so much so as to not be a reminder of her "previous life".  These are the changes I don't like.  There have been many births of grandchildren and great grandchilden and new spouses added to the mix over the years and they have all just fallen into the traditions and family events with ease.  I can't help but feel that it is her new marriage that has lead her to this passing of the wand.  I get that my parents are now grandparents and we should start having Christmas for our children at their grandparent's house so it is a natural progression of sorts.  But after 30 years, I am finding this change to be a bit more difficult to handle and doing so with some resistance.  But as with life, I will ebb and flow with the tides and do my best to enbrace this change as well.  Change IS what makes life interesting afterall.    

On the road again!

I have always been one to love road trips. We traveled often growing up and we always had so much fun. Of course it wouldn't have been a family road trip without a sibling quarrel or two! I mean aren't those the kind of things that help build character and make us the people we are today?! Anyway, I have vivid memories of spontaneous road trips we were made to endure growing up. Stops at amusement parks only to find they were "closed for the season", getting into town at the same time a major national golf tournment was scheduled and unable to find a hotel room leading to a U-turn right back home, and endless hours of sitting on the interstate in the wee hours of the morning due to a horrific accident that occurred several hours before hand. But there were also so many trips that proved to be quite an adventure for us kids. The ones that landed us at the beach, Disney World, or just the ones that had us surrounded by our extended family. Times I wouldn't change for anything.

So this all leads me to our current family road trip in a few days. I will be taking the kiddos to visit my parents 12 hours away. I have been trying to get in as much family time as possible while I can before our big move to Japan. We have been gone more than we have been home over the last few months and my children have become quite the experienced road trippers to say the least. While traveling with 3 children 3 years and under can be anxiety inducing at times, I only hope to create the same enjoyable memories for them as I have now. Amongst all of the screaming and occassional sibling spats, I hope my children will one day look back and laugh with fond memories of their own spontaneous road trips. So now there are clothes to be washed, suitcases to be packed, a house to clean, and a car to load in preparation for memories to be made! Bon voyage!!