Whale Watching!

So since we have been in Japan we have mainly just been trying to learn our way around.  We have managed to do a little sight seeing in the process and we definitely hope to do more here very soon now that the weather has warmed up and the sun is shining.  One adventure we tackled was whale watching.  My husband actually stayed home with our youngest because she was not old enough to go.  So that  meant me and the older 2.  We woke up way before our usual time in order to catch the boat but it was well worth it.  I knew my son would love it and I figured my daughter would at least enjoy it a little if nothing else.  We had a great time and saw plenty of whales.  These were humpback whales.  I have seen Orcas off the coast of Washington state when we were stationed there and that was pretty cool too!  Anyway, we ended our outing with a trip to the ER though which was kind of a bummer but all is well.  My son actually tripped while trying to walk on the boat (it was extremely rocky) as we were heading back to shore and busted his head open on a pair of binoculars.  He was such a trooper about it all and I am so proud of him for being so strong and such a big boy.  I, on the other hand was a mess inside even though I appearred calm, cool, and collected on the outside!  It took everything I had at moments to keep the tears back.  Enjoy the video clip of some of our adventure! 

The Newbies

As much as I love meeting new people and consider myself a social person, I am struggling right now big time.  With this move to Japan came a lot of new experiences and changes that I am somewhat familiar with and others I am not.  I am used to meeting new people but normally when I am introduced to these new people I already have someone there I know.  This time around I am meeting a ton of new people but I don't know anyone!  I am making a point to talk to several of the other women and moms who wait at the bus stop with the children, I go to the park and talk to woman there, and I am always looking for new opportunities to present themselves where I could possibly meet new friends.  Not having much luck in that department right now.  I also want my children to meet friends and have playmates that they enjoy spending time with.  This is our first time living on base and we are surrounded by families, you wouldn't think this would be hard.  However, most of these kids are older and do not want to play with my children who they look at and call babies.  There is one little boy in the neighborhood who will knock on our door and ask if my kids can come play during the day, he is a year older than my oldest, but when we see him at the park he tells my son he doesn't want to play with him and he isn't his friend.  It absolutely breaks my heart to see the hurt in my son's face when he hears this.  He comes to me and tells me no body likes him and he is sad.  I just want to cry for him.  My son is the sweetest, most thoughtful, funny, outgoing little boy.  I hate it when other kids are so mean to him. 

I just miss my nearest and dearest friends back in the states.  I miss being able to just pick up the phone and talk to them.  I don't always have that luxury here since we are 15 hours ahead and our nights and days don't match up.  I miss the comfort that comes from the warmth of a good friends's home with out the worries of how your appearance is for the day.  I miss the last minute lunch dates and my kids loving their play time at the park with their friends.  Don't get me wrong, I have truly enjoyed being here and there is still so much to do and see and I am so grateful we were given this opportunity, but to be honest, I hate being the newbie!  It downright sucks! 

Love is just too weak of a word

I always have such vivid, real, detailed dreams while pregnant.  They are usually something that pulls at my heartstrings or really make me question myself at times.  A few nights ago I had a dream that I left my sleeping kids in the car while I went in shopping with my mom.  All of a sudden it dawned on me that I didn't have my kids with me.  The complete fear and dread that washed over me in my dream was so overwelming.  I took off in a dead sprint to get to my babies as fast as I could.  They seemed to be a million miles away and it was taking me forever to get there.  Then once I got there I realized I left my keys with my mom and I had to run all the way back across the mall to get them.  I did finally get to my car and my kids were ok but I just couldn't bare to think of their reaction when they woke up and realized I was no where to be found or worse yet, they weren't ok.  Then last night I had a dream that my husband told me he was leaving me with no explaination at all.  He just left.  He wouldn't talk to me or have anything to do with me.  I finally cornered him and told him I deserved an explaination.  He was really hesitant and didn't want to tell me.  He finally murmured it out that he thought I was a terrible mother to our children and that he just couldn't be married to me anymore.  Leading up to this I had believed whole heartedly that he just needed some space and he would come back.  But when he finally said those words it hit me like a ton of bricks, it literally knocked the wind out of me.  And I knew in that moment that he was never coming back.  It was so gut wrenching and heart breaking!  In real life my husband has always told me that he knew when he met me that I would make a great mother and that was one of the reasons he wanted to marry me.  He knew he wanted several children.  So in my dream I just kept thinking back to that conversation and asking him why he hadn't been honest with me.  He always tells me I am the best mother in the world and that our children are so lucky to have me as their mommy.  All I could think was why would he tell me that when he didn't really believe it?  It was during that moment that all of these thoughts came rushing in my head.  It only made me realize that I had failed miserably at letting my husband and my children know just how much I loved them.  But I kept getting frustrated because I knew in my heart that the word LOVE was too weak of a word to describe how I truly felt for them.  I couldn't find the right word, a strong enough word that would convey to him and my children how much they meant to me and how sorry I was that I let them down. 

So I wake up from this dream and cannot go back to sleep.  All I wanted to do was go get my babies and hold them and somehow make them see how much I love them and what I would do for them.  I wanted to wake my husband and do the same.  I didn't do either, I just lay there wide awake and feeling so overwelmed with this dream that felt so real.  My husband woke up this morning for work and the first thing he did was roll over, kiss my forehead, and tell me I was his best friend!  Now he tells me this often but little did he know how comforting those words were for me at that moment.  I told him my dream and he just hugged me and told me he was never going anywhere and he truly DOES believe I am the best mommy ever!  See?  How do I tell this man how much I love him?  Love is just too weak of a word!