Whale Watching!

So since we have been in Japan we have mainly just been trying to learn our way around.  We have managed to do a little sight seeing in the process and we definitely hope to do more here very soon now that the weather has warmed up and the sun is shining.  One adventure we tackled was whale watching.  My husband actually stayed home with our youngest because she was not old enough to go.  So that  meant me and the older 2.  We woke up way before our usual time in order to catch the boat but it was well worth it.  I knew my son would love it and I figured my daughter would at least enjoy it a little if nothing else.  We had a great time and saw plenty of whales.  These were humpback whales.  I have seen Orcas off the coast of Washington state when we were stationed there and that was pretty cool too!  Anyway, we ended our outing with a trip to the ER though which was kind of a bummer but all is well.  My son actually tripped while trying to walk on the boat (it was extremely rocky) as we were heading back to shore and busted his head open on a pair of binoculars.  He was such a trooper about it all and I am so proud of him for being so strong and such a big boy.  I, on the other hand was a mess inside even though I appearred calm, cool, and collected on the outside!  It took everything I had at moments to keep the tears back.  Enjoy the video clip of some of our adventure! 

The Newbies

As much as I love meeting new people and consider myself a social person, I am struggling right now big time.  With this move to Japan came a lot of new experiences and changes that I am somewhat familiar with and others I am not.  I am used to meeting new people but normally when I am introduced to these new people I already have someone there I know.  This time around I am meeting a ton of new people but I don't know anyone!  I am making a point to talk to several of the other women and moms who wait at the bus stop with the children, I go to the park and talk to woman there, and I am always looking for new opportunities to present themselves where I could possibly meet new friends.  Not having much luck in that department right now.  I also want my children to meet friends and have playmates that they enjoy spending time with.  This is our first time living on base and we are surrounded by families, you wouldn't think this would be hard.  However, most of these kids are older and do not want to play with my children who they look at and call babies.  There is one little boy in the neighborhood who will knock on our door and ask if my kids can come play during the day, he is a year older than my oldest, but when we see him at the park he tells my son he doesn't want to play with him and he isn't his friend.  It absolutely breaks my heart to see the hurt in my son's face when he hears this.  He comes to me and tells me no body likes him and he is sad.  I just want to cry for him.  My son is the sweetest, most thoughtful, funny, outgoing little boy.  I hate it when other kids are so mean to him. 

I just miss my nearest and dearest friends back in the states.  I miss being able to just pick up the phone and talk to them.  I don't always have that luxury here since we are 15 hours ahead and our nights and days don't match up.  I miss the comfort that comes from the warmth of a good friends's home with out the worries of how your appearance is for the day.  I miss the last minute lunch dates and my kids loving their play time at the park with their friends.  Don't get me wrong, I have truly enjoyed being here and there is still so much to do and see and I am so grateful we were given this opportunity, but to be honest, I hate being the newbie!  It downright sucks! 

Love is just too weak of a word

I always have such vivid, real, detailed dreams while pregnant.  They are usually something that pulls at my heartstrings or really make me question myself at times.  A few nights ago I had a dream that I left my sleeping kids in the car while I went in shopping with my mom.  All of a sudden it dawned on me that I didn't have my kids with me.  The complete fear and dread that washed over me in my dream was so overwelming.  I took off in a dead sprint to get to my babies as fast as I could.  They seemed to be a million miles away and it was taking me forever to get there.  Then once I got there I realized I left my keys with my mom and I had to run all the way back across the mall to get them.  I did finally get to my car and my kids were ok but I just couldn't bare to think of their reaction when they woke up and realized I was no where to be found or worse yet, they weren't ok.  Then last night I had a dream that my husband told me he was leaving me with no explaination at all.  He just left.  He wouldn't talk to me or have anything to do with me.  I finally cornered him and told him I deserved an explaination.  He was really hesitant and didn't want to tell me.  He finally murmured it out that he thought I was a terrible mother to our children and that he just couldn't be married to me anymore.  Leading up to this I had believed whole heartedly that he just needed some space and he would come back.  But when he finally said those words it hit me like a ton of bricks, it literally knocked the wind out of me.  And I knew in that moment that he was never coming back.  It was so gut wrenching and heart breaking!  In real life my husband has always told me that he knew when he met me that I would make a great mother and that was one of the reasons he wanted to marry me.  He knew he wanted several children.  So in my dream I just kept thinking back to that conversation and asking him why he hadn't been honest with me.  He always tells me I am the best mother in the world and that our children are so lucky to have me as their mommy.  All I could think was why would he tell me that when he didn't really believe it?  It was during that moment that all of these thoughts came rushing in my head.  It only made me realize that I had failed miserably at letting my husband and my children know just how much I loved them.  But I kept getting frustrated because I knew in my heart that the word LOVE was too weak of a word to describe how I truly felt for them.  I couldn't find the right word, a strong enough word that would convey to him and my children how much they meant to me and how sorry I was that I let them down. 

So I wake up from this dream and cannot go back to sleep.  All I wanted to do was go get my babies and hold them and somehow make them see how much I love them and what I would do for them.  I wanted to wake my husband and do the same.  I didn't do either, I just lay there wide awake and feeling so overwelmed with this dream that felt so real.  My husband woke up this morning for work and the first thing he did was roll over, kiss my forehead, and tell me I was his best friend!  Now he tells me this often but little did he know how comforting those words were for me at that moment.  I told him my dream and he just hugged me and told me he was never going anywhere and he truly DOES believe I am the best mommy ever!  See?  How do I tell this man how much I love him?  Love is just too weak of a word! 

Upset

I have about a million things I want to blog about but right now I just need to get something off my chest.  I do not know what has happened to me.  I used to pride myself on having the patience of an angel.  Now I lose my patience at the drop of a hat.  I feel like I cannot control the frustration that builds in me and then all of a sudden I just snap.  I HATE this!  I have tears streaming down my face as I type this.  I don't know why I feel this way.  I don't know if it is pregnancy hormones, stress.  I don't know.  We have been through a lot these last few months.  Reuniting with my husband after a long 7 month deployment, packing up our house in preparation for our move, living out of suitcases for 2 1/2 months essentially homeless, making the long trip tp Japan, finding out we are expecting baby #4, emercing ourselves in a completely different culture and trying to get settled at our new home here in Okinawa.  I am pretty sure that list includes a lot of the top life stressors.  I just feel this pressure to always be strong for my family, to always stay calm, cool and collected.  I am never allowed to vent my stress or frustrations or at least I feel that way.  My children have been absolutely terrible behavior wise and sleeping wise since we landed here.  I am trying to be understanding that they are experiencing a lot of changes right now, their worlds as they have always known  them to be have been turned upside down.  But sometimes I just want them to freaking do what they are told period!  I rarely had this problem before this move and now they can't seem to listen or do anything I tell them to do the first time they are told.  Sleeping it beyond ridiculous!  All of my children have been amazing sleepers and have been since they were all 2 months old.  Since arriving here, they don't seem to know what sleep is.  They are refusing to nap which leads to extremely fussy and whiny children for the majority of the day.  I get to tired of hearing blood curdling screams from my middle one over the most minor things, my youngest has been have an awful go of teething since before we left the states and it continues even now.  My husband is extremely helpful in all areas of the house so I will not complain about him at all.  However, he has no idea what it means to be with our children 24/7 with no breaks, listening to the unending whining, crying, and the battling to get them to do anything.  He gets his sane hours from it all, he goes to work everyday from 7-5ish and then he gets to come home and be fun, super dad who is really quick to give them a treat without asking me how their day has gone and then he runs off to the gym for an hour or more every evening as well.  Where is my break from the insanity?!  And no, going to the grocery store with no kids doesn't count, that is something that has to be done. 

Anyway, I just don't want my lack of patience and emotions right now to affect my relationship with my children!  I love them more than anything in this world!  I just feel like I am the worst mommy ever and I can't seem to fix it.  This all came about with this last deployment and it seems I can't run away from it.  Kind of a sucky post but I had to get these feelings out somewhere.  I promise more appealing post coming very soon.  I just need to get myself together right now.

Family Time!!

We are finally in New York relaxing with family!  It is so nice to have this down time with each other.  After the crazy that followed Thanksgiving with the movers and packing, I am not taking this time for granted.  The hubs and I even got to have a date night at Toy R Us! HAHA My in-laws kept the kids for us to we could go to dinner and do some Christmas shopping.  We went to The Melting Pot and then to do our shopping.  It was fun!  Next week starts the arrival of the rest of the family and then of course Christmas.  We are celebrating both my daughter's birthdays as well.  I am beginning to worry a tad about all of the gifts under the tree.  How are we going to get all of this stuff to Japan with us?!!  I guess we will just need to mail them all to our new address there in Japan and they will be there waiting on us when we get there.  Lots of changes taking place and so much up in the air.  SO many unknowns right now.  Makes me a little nervous seeing how I am such a planner and like to be organized.  I am starting to embrace this new sense of adventure though.  I know I will not regret stepping out of my comfort zone and taking advantage of this opportunity for our family.  I truly cannot wait to tell of our experiences!  I know they will be wonderful!  But right now I am enjoying all of this family time with nowhere to be and no commitments!!

Latest and greatest

So clearly I have been super busy and haven't really had the time to post!  I will have to load pictures and all of that jazz at a later date but for now I just wanted to let you know that I have not fallen off the face of the planet.  The hubs made it home and we are so thrilled to be back together as a family.  I knew once he got home that we would be running around crazy trying to get ready for our move to Japan.  I was not wrong in my assumption.  I have been going through things, organizing, making list, separating and doing inventory of everything in our home.  We also had Thanksgiving in there for which we drove a 21 hour drive to spend it with family.  It wound up taking us 2 1/2 days to get home.  The movers were at our house the day after we got home to pack up our house.  We are currnetly living in a hotel until our final packout on Friday.  Then we are either heading to Disney World for a few days or heading to NY.  Yesterday was not a fun day at all!  I woke up feeling like I had the flu and the movers were at the house all day long.  Thankfully I had a friend to pick the kids up from preschool and take them until they left.  Then the hubs comes home from work and is having trouble breathing and has abdominal pain.  He ended up in the emergncy room trying to figure out what was going on.  He left 6 hours later with no anwers.  Mean while I am stuck in the hotel room with 3 little ones who are full of endless energy and still feeling like complete crap.  I really hope the rest of this journey goes a little more smoothly.  If nothing else, I would really prefer no more sickness so we can function to full capacity.  So as of today, our household goods are on their way to Japan, we are living in a hotel room, and we still have one more packout to go before we leave town for good.  I will post as much as I can throughout this whole process.  There will be a point where I have no internet or phone or any connection to family until we get situated once in Japan but hopefully that will be short lived.  There you have it ladies and gentlemen, the latest and greatest in our lives!

Veterans Day

Just taking a moment to thank ALL of our Veterans!  The sacrifices they make/made are priceless and are truly a selfless act.  The freedoms we enjoy in the USA absolutely do not come free.  They sometimes come at the ultimate price.  I am so incredibly thankful they are willing to put themselves out there for my family and I.  For that I thank you from the bottom of my heart!  A special thank you to my favorite veteran, my hubby!  We are so lucky to call you our husband, father, and protector!!  You are my ultimate hero!!  I love you babe!